1976 — The Gun and the Door

In an instant, I knew: some things are worse than death. Bending to his will was one of them. I chose freedom—dead or alive.

From the Diary of a Mad Sailor Before I built HadIt.com, I survived more than I ever expected to. This is what shaped me.

Some stories never get easier to tell.
But silence never saved anyone either.

I was nineteen, still living at home in a small town just across the bridge from St. Louis. I’d graduated high school in May 1975 and started working that fall. It should have been a step toward independence.

But at home, there was no such thing.

My father was a violent man—unpredictable, cruel, manipulative. He could be charming, too. That made it worse. I learned early not to fall for it.

Once I started working, things got even harder.

He was retired, so he was always home, always in my face. I didn’t have a car, and he wouldn’t let me ride the bus. So every morning, he drove me to work. Every night, he picked me up.

The only time I got away from him was when I was at work.
An…