I Was in Before Tailhook. I Know What Comes Next

A Pentagon memo just reminded me of the silence we were trained to accept — and what it cost us.

The Gist: The Pentagon’s new memorandum on sexual harassment promises change. But it comes from the same command culture that ignored us, blamed us, and told us to stay quiet. Words on paper won’t fix what silence protected for decades.

I enlisted in the Navy in January 1983 and served until December 1990. Back then, sexual harassment wasn’t just common—it was expected, normalized, and ignored. Your options were: adapt, shut up, or get out. I adapted.

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The First Command

I was an E-3 or E-4 at my first command. The Chief put me on mids. I got off shift around 21:00, and the last bus to the barracks left at 21:00. Every night, he’d find “one more thing” for me to do. And every night, he’d say, “Don’t worry—I’ll give you a ride home.”

Eventually, one of those rides home took a detour. “I’ve got to stop by the Lieutenant’s house,” he said. When we arrived, the Lieutenant and his wife opened the door. I thought, “Okay—his wife’s here. This might be alright.”

They invited us in and offered dri…